Having been on my blog for very long due to varying reasons ranging from pure laziness to extreme fatigue.

Anyways, something striked me so hard that i have to blog again. Apparently, it seems of late that i have been really annoying people so hard they have told me in the face. Guess i have reached their breaking point. I have no idea what i should do, how am i suppose to change something that is deep rooted within me overnight. gradual changes never work as i always give up half way. Very frequently, this decision of wanting to be a recluse has popped out. Being a recluse will definitely save many people from their pain and will offer me some time for personal healing(something which i definitely need since i have been slaughtered by practically everything) everything seems fine on the outside. sigh, humans are just this brittle. the line between being in pieces and being whole is just separated by a fine thread. After all, i guess the stress that i am feeling is fed by me myself. If this continues, i might be on the brink of self destruction. Wonder what is really going on inside me.

Moving on, i find myself being overwhelmed with jealousy. How shameful, a boy like me being jealous. I am totally disappointed in myself. Jealous over what others have and what i don't, jealous over the most trivial of things. anyways i think it is kinda pathetic for me to be like this. I guess many of you know what i am talking about so i shall not dwell on this.

I still do not understand why until now i still get frustrated at the smallest of things. even a simple sms can frustrate me so much i want to smash my phone. Seems like something is not right in my head. Need to find the right medicine.

Exams are something that i have faced for my whole life, now i am scared out of my wits everytime it comes round no matter how hard i have prepared for it. i do not understand this self devolution. people around me are improving at insane speeds and i am left to eat their dust. haizzz as the chinese saying goes:"学习就像逆水行舟，不进则退“ seems like my "self-deemed enough preparation" was not enough. Now i am pissed with myself. People can tell me that grades are not the most important but i am afraid i would have to slam everyone of those who offer such "senseless" opinions. Among those who tell me that grades are not that important, most have already achieved significant success or have already achieved a stable career. In our present soceity which is extremely meritocratic, i do not see anyone with downright lousy grades having a good life. how can a government which focuses so much on academic performance tell us that grades is not that important. it is a total contradiction and total bullshit. So for all those out there taking major exams, i hope you would do your best and not regret your actions later. you guys might me facing alot of stress of late but just hang in there. the light at the end of the tunnel is nearer then you think! I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

Lastly to all you love birds out there (you guys know who i am talking about). Good luck with your relationship but make sure it remains a healthy one. And always place your studies as your top priority.

Keith,
dazed

Having been on my blog for very long due to varying reasons ranging from pure laziness to extreme fatigue.

Anyways, something striked me so hard that i have to blog again. Apparently, it seems of late that i have been really annoying people so hard they have told me in the face. Guess i have reached their breaking point. I have no idea what i should do, how am i suppose to change something that is deep rooted within me overnight. gradual changes never work as i always give up half way. Very frequently, this decision of wanting to be a recluse has popped out. Being a recluse will definitely save many people from their pain and will offer me some time for personal healing(something which i definitely need since i have been slaughtered by practically everything) everything seems fine on the outside. sigh, humans are just this brittle. the line between being in pieces and being whole is just separated by a fine thread. After all, i guess the stress that i am feeling is fed by me myself. If this continues, i might be on the brink of self destruction. Wonder what is really going on inside me.

Moving on, i find myself being overwhelmed with jealousy. How shameful, a boy like me being jealous. I am totally disappointed in myself. Jealous over what others have and what i don't, jealous over the most trivial of things. anyways i think it is kinda pathetic for me to be like this. I guess many of you know what i am talking about so i shall not dwell on this.

I still do not understand why until now i still get frustrated at the smallest of things. even a simple sms can frustrate me so much i want to smash my phone. Seems like something is not right in my head. Need to find the right medicine.

Exams are something that i have faced for my whole life, now i am scared out of my wits everytime it comes round no matter how hard i have prepared for it. i do not understand this self devolution. people around me are improving at insane speeds and i am left to eat their dust. haizzz as the chinese saying goes:"学习就像逆水行舟，不进则退“ seems like my "self-deemed enough preparation" was not enough. Now i am pissed with myself. People can tell me that grades are not the most important but i am afraid i would have to slam everyone of those who offer such "senseless" opinions. Among those who tell me that grades are not that important, most have already achieved significant success or have already achieved a stable career. In our present soceity which is extremely meritocratic, i do not see anyone with downright lousy grades having a good life. how can a government which focuses so much on academic performance tell us that grades is not that important. it is a total contradiction and total bullshit. So for all those out there taking major exams, i hope you would do your best and not regret your actions later. you guys might me facing alot of stress of late but just hang in there. the light at the end of the tunnel is nearer then you think! I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

Lastly to all you love birds out there (you guys know who i am talking about). Good luck with your relationship but make sure it remains a healthy one. And always place your studies as your top priority.

Keith,
dazed