So today was judgment day for me, basically my results came back. While it might seem like a puny happening in this world where a billion things happen in one second, I believe this one moment might actually change a billion things that I am going to do and a billion things that is going to happen to me.

Before pen my words down, I have to first state that every time, I get this great revelation, I find a loophole in my studying and some ways which I can improve, but the thing is that it never happens. This will be the last year end holiday I have before my A Levels, the real judgment day. I greatly hope that I would put in the effort to maximize this holiday and make the best of it. Hoping alone would not suffice, I need tenacity, I require resilience to carry out my plan, I believe in myself. I have sort of reached the lowest point in my studying career, where whatever I do seems to amount into practically nothing. Well I guess if I get everything sorted out, then everything should get better, so holidays bring it on.

There has been much stuff bugging me. I actually have no idea why do I bother so much about the class average scores. Maybe it was because I was from the best class in SMTP last year, and always used to seeing my class at the top. It is just weird to see my class all the way at the bottom now. Well I think that class environments actually do play a part in one's grades. I hope next year would be better.

Lastly, I'm slipping into this state of infatuation again. I understand it is a self-induced state, just tell yourself you do not like that person, and you would not like her. Say it the other way, the opposite effect would happen. It is quite scary how human psychology works. The constant indoctrination of certain ideals and belief, be it self induced or externally imposed, can really shape and change a person. We are living in a very abstract world where many things are designated special names which can be changed anytime. We seem to live in a very baseless world where 1 could become 2 if someone in authority tells you so.

It is sad I do not have the courage…

Its been far too long since i blogged,too many things happened as usual. Kinda makes me like Mr Always-Busy. The thing is, I don't really liked it, being bogged down by the expectations of our meritocratic and material society. Why do i have to be a conformist and follow what ever society deems fit? This chained down feeling has me struggling to catch my breath, and also further restraining my thoughts and actions.

Well anyways, today there was a talk about relationship given to us by MCYS. My first thought was that has humans' emotional skills deteriorated so much they have to be given a LESSON on how to communicate with the opposite sex? Are our communication skills that pathetic?! Gosh, if that is so, maybe the Singaporean government should really review their education system to include more lessons about EQ. Talking about eq, it seems to be lacking in many people including me, i can't control what i say at what time making me an absolute douchebag most of the time, whats worse is that i hurt the feelings of my friends many times over. I have come to the point to even doubt that i'm liked by my friends. The insecurity i feel is immense and i only seem to run away from the problem, deceiving myself from the truth. I also seem to let others create joy out of my misfortune, somehow to attract attention to myself so i won't feel left out. Why am i trampling on myself? I really have no idea. I think its time i disallow these feelings to engulf me.

Anyways back to the talk, the male lecturer went about objectifying girls using the words like "Own" and stuff. It was to the point he was sounding childish. If guys were to cherish girls, they would not think of sex and stuff and obviously would not think of her as an object which can be owned. It is of basic common sense ain't it?

I'm so tired i think i can sleep forever. Hopefully i will slip into a fairytale of happily ever after.

So today was judgment day for me, basically my results came back. While it might seem like a puny happening in this world where a billion things happen in one second, I believe this one moment might actually change a billion things that I am going to do and a billion things that is going to happen to me.

Before pen my words down, I have to first state that every time, I get this great revelation, I find a loophole in my studying and some ways which I can improve, but the thing is that it never happens. This will be the last year end holiday I have before my A Levels, the real judgment day. I greatly hope that I would put in the effort to maximize this holiday and make the best of it. Hoping alone would not suffice, I need tenacity, I require resilience to carry out my plan, I believe in myself. I have sort of reached the lowest point in my studying career, where whatever I do seems to amount into practically nothing. Well I guess if I get everything sorted out, then everything should get better, so holidays bring it on.

There has been much stuff bugging me. I actually have no idea why do I bother so much about the class average scores. Maybe it was because I was from the best class in SMTP last year, and always used to seeing my class at the top. It is just weird to see my class all the way at the bottom now. Well I think that class environments actually do play a part in one's grades. I hope next year would be better.

Lastly, I'm slipping into this state of infatuation again. I understand it is a self-induced state, just tell yourself you do not like that person, and you would not like her. Say it the other way, the opposite effect would happen. It is quite scary how human psychology works. The constant indoctrination of certain ideals and belief, be it self induced or externally imposed, can really shape and change a person. We are living in a very abstract world where many things are designated special names which can be changed anytime. We seem to live in a very baseless world where 1 could become 2 if someone in authority tells you so.

It is sad I do not have the courage…

Its been far too long since i blogged,too many things happened as usual. Kinda makes me like Mr Always-Busy. The thing is, I don't really liked it, being bogged down by the expectations of our meritocratic and material society. Why do i have to be a conformist and follow what ever society deems fit? This chained down feeling has me struggling to catch my breath, and also further restraining my thoughts and actions.

Well anyways, today there was a talk about relationship given to us by MCYS. My first thought was that has humans' emotional skills deteriorated so much they have to be given a LESSON on how to communicate with the opposite sex? Are our communication skills that pathetic?! Gosh, if that is so, maybe the Singaporean government should really review their education system to include more lessons about EQ. Talking about eq, it seems to be lacking in many people including me, i can't control what i say at what time making me an absolute douchebag most of the time, whats worse is that i hurt the feelings of my friends many times over. I have come to the point to even doubt that i'm liked by my friends. The insecurity i feel is immense and i only seem to run away from the problem, deceiving myself from the truth. I also seem to let others create joy out of my misfortune, somehow to attract attention to myself so i won't feel left out. Why am i trampling on myself? I really have no idea. I think its time i disallow these feelings to engulf me.

Anyways back to the talk, the male lecturer went about objectifying girls using the words like "Own" and stuff. It was to the point he was sounding childish. If guys were to cherish girls, they would not think of sex and stuff and obviously would not think of her as an object which can be owned. It is of basic common sense ain't it?

I'm so tired i think i can sleep forever. Hopefully i will slip into a fairytale of happily ever after.